Cut
by Eden1
Summary: Liz lives with her drunk mother and without a father. So to escape her pain she cuts herself. The kids at school call her a freak, but a certain new kid moves to Roswell and is the only one who can save her....
1. Cut

Title: Cut  
  
Author: Eden  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing, except the story plot.  
  
Summary: Liz lives with her drunk mother and without a father. So to escape her pain she cuts herself. The kids at school call her a freak, but a certain new kid moves to Roswell and is the only one who can save her....  
  
Note: If you wanna post this story on your site or something just ask me, I'll let ya.  
  
SarcasticAngel27@hotmail.com  
  
"God, why are you so stupid?! All I ask is that you do what you're told! You can't even do that!" My mother yells from across the room. Her face is red now and contorted with rage. She reminds me of the demons I used to dream about.  
  
She keeps yelling and I crawl back into my corner. I'm sixteen and still afraid of her. She is the source of my pain. I find the only way to escape is cutting, watching the blood flow down I feel calm, all too soon though, that bliss ends and the pain returns. No one sees my scars, I'm not important enough to notice. People say I'm not worth a second thought. I guess they're right.  
  
I hear glass shatter and notice it at my feet. The yelling has stopped and the door has slammed. I let out a long sigh of relief and pull up my sleeves to examine my arms. The old scars are starting to fade, but the new ones are still sensitive to the touch. I wince as I stand amidst the shards of glass that surround my feet, and survey the room. Broken glass covers the floor and table has turned completely over. I hear the phone ringing and being careful not to trip on anything, I reluctantly pick it up.  
  
"Hello?" my voice sounds so childish.  
  
"Elizabeth are you okay?" my grandmother's soothing voice asks.  
  
I let out a long breath and clear my throat.  
  
"Yes, Grandmother, I'm fine. Mom just left if you were calling for her." I try to sound calm, failing miserably.  
  
"You know very well that I'm not calling for your drunk mother," she pauses, "Did your mother hit you again Elizabeth?"  
  
Oh God! I don't want to tell her. Mom would just hurt me worse if she finds out.  
  
"No, she just went to the store," to buy more booze I add silently.  
  
"Well all right, but if she hits you Liz, you come and tell me. Understand?"  
  
"Yes grandmother."  
  
"Okay, well I need to go and fix your grandfather supper, so goodnight."  
  
"Night," I hang up the phone, shaking.  
  
I need to clean this place up before she gets home. I swallow hard, my throat suddenly dry and grab a broom. That's when the tears start to fall. God why am I crying? It makes me feel all the weaker. I wipe my eyes and look at my razor blade on the counter. I think for a minute and pick it up. My head hurts so bad right now. I look in the mirror and make a cut up near my neck, relaxing. I watch the blood flow down slowly. I close my eyes, feeling calm and almost serene. I slowly make another cut without wincing. I suppose I'm used to the comforting pain. No torture could compare to my mother, anyway. I shiver and hear the door open. Snapping to attention I pull a turtleneck from a nearby laundry basket, pull it over my head and walk back into the living room. She's standing there, the cause of my nightmares, has finally sobered up a bit.  
  
"Elizabeth," she says slowly with a hint of a drunken drawl, " You know I didn't mean anything I said."  
  
I stay silent.  
  
"Honey…" She reaches for me.  
  
I back away and look at her, "No."  
  
She flinches and looks hurt, but I don't care.  
  
"You're always drinking and hurting me," I think for a moment then ass softly, "Ever since Dad left."  
  
She sighs and picks up her coat, "I'm going out."  
  
"Yeah right, go get drunk like always!" I scream out. My face is red and my blood boils, but she ignores me and walks out. Alone once more, I lean against the wall and slide down to the floor, as my tears flow shamelessly. 


	2. Max

After dumping the glass into the garbage, I peel the turtleneck off of my neck and wipe away the dried blood. It's Friday and I'm not out with friends. I have no friends, I remind myself. No one calls. No one cares. I sigh and walk upstairs. She can clean up her own damn mess, I decide. I'm going to bed.  
  
As soon as I wake up the next morning, I head downstairs, but first sneak a glance at my mother's room. The door is shut, as usual. She's either passed out or sleeping. Party all night, sleep all day, that's how she seems to function. Somehow she manages to fit work into her pathetic schedule. After taking a quick shower and getting dressed, I grab my bag and head for the library. Screw her. I can take care of myself.  
  
I enter the quiet library and the librarian lookup with dull eyes, then quickly averts her glance. I roll my eyes and return to my books. Does anyone have emotion?  
  
I see a little boy looking at my arms and neck. Shifting uncomfortable, I head towards the back. I clear my throat and start looking at the shelves. I grab the book The Vampire Armand by Anne Rice. I never get tired of that book. Without realizing it, I back into someone and mutter an apology.  
  
"It's nothing." I hear a deep velvety voice behind me and look up into chocolate brown eyes. I can't help but stare.  
  
"Are you all right?" he asks, concerned.  
  
I blink and quickly glance down to the floor and memorize his looks: He's about six-foot with raven black hair and a slight smile plays on his well- shaped lips. Strong jaw, high cheekbones and the strong shape of a football player, but yet at the same time lean. He's clad in black with a black duster to finish it off.  
  
"Yea I'm fine." I swallow hard and bend down for my bag.  
  
"My name is Max Evans, would you mind much telling me yours?" There's that velvet voice again.  
  
"Liz," I say quickly, "My name is Liz Parker."  
  
"That's a pretty name. My grandmother's name was Elizabeth. It's nice to meet you." He holds out his hand and I take it. His hands are surprisingly warm, mocking the cold outside.  
  
"What brings you to Roswell, Max?" Oh God, this is the first person my age who has spoken to me in so long.  
  
"My dad got a new job. So he moved my mom and I here. I start school Monday."  
  
"That's always fun," I say grabbing my things.  
  
"Will I see you there?"  
  
"No doubt. If not just look me up." I smile faintly and walk to the check out. Did I just flirt? I think I did. I grab my book and head for home.  
  
I expect to see more alcohol on the floor and my mom passed out on the couch, but to my surprise, the house is just as I as left it. I raise an eyebrow and walks to my mother's room. Something's not right, I think as I open her door. The bed's made and it's as if nothing has been touched. I walk back downstairs and check all the doors. Still locked from the inside. There are messages on the machine that shouldn't be there. I peer into the garage and don't see her car. She never came home. 


	3. Mommy?

I stand there, motionless. I don't know how to react. I wish I do, but I don't. I hear the phone ring and wait for the machine to pick it up.  
  
"Elizabeth, it's your grandmother. This is the fourth time I've called. I want you and your mother to call me back, A.S.A.P. I love you, bye." Beep.  
  
God I hate it when she calls me that. I feel the itch for my razor blade but shrug it off. Where the hell is my mother. I hear the phone ring again. God damnit, it's probably grandmother again. You'd think she could take a hint.  
  
"Hello?" I demand, my voice harsh.  
  
"Hello, is Liz home?" Max. Oh no.  
  
I clear my throat and soften my voice, "Hey Max."  
  
"How are you?"  
  
"Oh, I'm fine…you?  
  
"I'm great. Uh, you forgot your bag at the library."  
  
Oh, I was hoping…wait…no I wasn't, I don't need anybody.  
  
"Did I really? Oh God, I didn't even realize…"  
  
"It's all right. I noticed from the phone book your house isn't far from my own. I'll swing by and drop it off. Is that okay?"  
  
Oh god, he's coming to my house. "Yeah, yea it's fine. Thanks."  
  
He laughs a bit. I could listen to him talk all day. "It's not a problem, believe me. See you soon." The phone clicks.  
  
I smile unknowingly, and sit the phone down. Oh no, I gotta clean this place up! Grabbing the sweeper I sweep up the rest of the glass and fix the table. I've never had anyone over. I take a deep breath to set some focus. Okay. Not that I give a damn, but where is my mother?  
  
I run a brush through my thick brown hair quickly and change my shirt. I hear the doorbell downstairs. Oh no. I run down the stairs and takes a deep breath, opening the door. I see Max's smiling face and he hands me the bag, "I believe this is yours Liz."  
  
I smile, "Thank you so much. Wanna come in?" I step back and he walks in.  
  
"You want something to drink?"  
  
"Sure, anything you wanna give me."  
  
"Okay, well I'll just run to the basement to get it quick."  
  
I look out the glass, sliding doors leading to the patio and see my mothers' car.  
  
"What..."  
  
I go downstairs, "Mom are you down here?"  
  
No answer.  
  
"Mom?  
  
I head over to the liquor cabinet to see if she's visited lately, and I see her lying on her stomach.  
  
" Mom…mommy?"  
  
She doesn't move.  
  
I do the only thing I can think of and that's scream. I scream until I realize I've been dragged away from the site of my mother and I hear Max on the phone.  
  
"Yes her mother isn't moving," A pause. "No, she's not even breathing," Another pause. "Alright. Bye."  
  
Max moves to go to my mothers' body, but I yell, "NO! You aren't supposed to touch the body!" I don't even realize I'm sobbing. As I sink to the floor, Max wraps his arms around me, and my world falls apart. 


	4. Dreams

Okay, here's part 4. The first version of it got deleted (mutters a few choice words) so it's not how it really was, but I hope you all like it. And yeah, a line like that was used in Buffy. But I didn't completely copy it so yeah…okay I'm done now…..  
  
  
  
It's all such a blur. I remember that they came and looked her over, and placed her in a black body bag. I can't feel Max's arms around me anymore. I'm too numb. A man tries to explain what happened but the words blur into "She," "alcohol," and "pills." I choke back a sob and nod. The man apologizes for my loss and leaves. I see it. In a moment of clarity, I look at my future. My grandmother will move in and take care of me. Worse, I'd live with her and grandpa. No. I want to lay down and die.  
  
It's my fault, I realize. If I hadn't pushed her away last night she might still be alive… You think you know…who you are, what's to come, you haven't even begun. I get that quote now. I thought I knew everything and now reality has devoured me.  
  
"Liz?"  
  
I look up into Max's concerned eyes, "Everything's gonna be okay," He tells me calmly. I sigh deeply. I wish I could believe him.  
  
"Max, can I just call you later. I'd like to be alone right now." As I see the hurt and disappointment flash in his eyes I kick myself mentally. I really don't want him to go. I want him to hold me and protect me forever.  
  
"I'll talk to you later then," He walks out, pausing at the door briefly then shuts it behind him. I lay down on the couch and cry until sleep claims me.  
  
I'm walking through a field of wildflowers and calling for my mother. I look at my clothing, a white cotton sundress and then I feel my hair, pulled into a French twist with a few ringlets hanging down. I smile faintly.  
  
"Liz…" I hear her voice and I spin around, dropping a basket of wild flowers I didn't even realize I was carrying.  
  
"Mom?"  
  
"It's me."  
  
I can't seem to talk. Then I look at her and raise an eyebrow. Something's not right here. I slowly look under the brim of the straw hat she's wearing and gasp. Her lips are stitched shut and her once blue eyes are black.  
  
"Why?" I'm shaking.  
  
"Did you honestly think that I was going to stick around and take care of you worthless corpse anymore?"  
  
"Mommy, why are you saying these things?"  
  
I'm a little girl again and in the kitchen. Dad's at the kitchen table reading the paper and Mom's cooking breakfast.  
  
"Honey are you okay?" she kneels down beside me.  
  
"Don't you love me anymore?" I'm screaming now, a few tears falling.  
  
"Awww, of course I do Lizzie," she wipes my tears.  
  
"I love you too mommy!" I close my eyes and throw my arms around her neck, but when I open my eyes I'm not little anymore.  
  
I'm dressed in black and it's pouring down rain, soaking me to the bone as I stand over a grave. I slowly look up to see the tombstone. It's my mothers'.  
  
"Oh god," I choke back a sob.  
  
"Liz…" I listen closer, "Aren't you going to help me Liz? Aren't you going to cry for me? It's so cold down here Liz, I'm so cold. Come join me dear." The voice sounds like the demons that used to haunt my dreams. Like the voice that used to sing me to sleep when I was little.  
  
"No," but I can't move away.  
  
"Come on dear, listen to your mother!" A hand shoots up from the ground, reaching for me and I scream.  
  
I wake up, screaming. My eyes dart around the room and I hold my hands over my mouth. Taking deep breaths, I curl up into a ball and sob, ignoring my sweat drenched clothing. As I lay back down and shut my eyes, one name fills my mind….Max….  
  
  
  
~Thanks for all the wonderful feedback!! Eden~ 


	5. Falling

I can't sleep. I open my eyes again and get up, shaking. I need a drink, but I can't swallow. The phone rings and I jump back, knocking over a chair. I place a hand on my chest, oh god. I pick up the reciever...  
  
"Hello?" My heart feels like it's about to burst.  
  
"Liz...are you okay? I know you said you'd call, but I needed to see if you were okay?"  
  
I feel tears threatning to spill and I take a deep breath. Just say yes Liz. Then you can calm down, "No Max," I start to sob, "Help me....." God, I need to stop. I'm confessing almost everything to a person I barely know....but I feel like he can protect me.  
  
"Liz, just stay right there. I'll be over soon. Okay?"  
  
"Okay."  
  
Then the phone clicks. I turn mine off and sit down as my knees give. I stare at the wall until I hear the doorbell ring.  
  
  
  
I run to the door and fling it open. But instead of the sight of Max to greet my tired eyes, I see my ex-boyfriend, Kyle. My eyes widen with surprise, "Kyle?"  
  
"Lizzie, I heard about your mom, I'm so sorry."  
  
"Kyle what are you doing here?"  
  
"I thought you might need a friend..."  
  
I'm about to answer that I don't want to see him right now, but a deep voice answers for me, "She does need a friend, but that friend is me."  
  
Kyle turns around and raises an eyebrow, "Who are you?"  
  
"I'm Max Evans, just moved here." Max sounds pleasant but I can see how tense he is. Just don't kill him Max, beating to a pulp is okay though.  
  
"Yeah, well you can go home now."  
  
"Kyle leave..."  
  
Kyle turns around and looks at me in surprise, "What?"  
  
"I said leave! You cheated on me dumbass! I don't ever wanna see you again! LEAVE!"  
  
Kyle's eyes grow dark with anger and he sneers, "Fine you filthy whore. Forget you." He walks off and Max hurries to me, grabbing my arms. Good he did or I think i would collapsed into a heap. I wince because his fingers are on my cuts.  
  
Max looks at me, he can see the pain displayed on my face and he leads me back into the house, sitting me down into a chair. Before I can say a word, he pulls my sweater off of me, thank god I chose to wear a tank top under it, and takes a step back.  
  
I finally get the courage to meet his eyes and I can see him hurting for me, "This is what I wanted to tell you Max," I start sobbing again. I feel so ashamed and Max does the last thing I expected him to do, he wraps his arms around me gently and holds me. He strokes my hair with one hand and whispers into my ear that he's going to help me and that he won't leave me alone anymore. I think I'm falling in love with him.... 


	6. Hold me

Okay forgive me if this isn't too good. But just be gentle......Part 6......  
  
I freeze and tense up. No no, no one cant get this close. I feel the need to shove him away. I need air, I can't...not now. The phone's ringing again and I hear myself saying let it go. The machine picks up and it's none other then my grandmother......  
  
"ELIZABETH!!! Where are you? I heard about your mother....I'm so sorry Lizzie. Lizzie? Lizzie pick up the phone. We need to talk about grandpa and I moving in," I hear her sigh, "Alright then, call me back." Beep.  
  
Tears are streaming down my face and I hug max closer, burying my face into his chest and he holds onto me tighter. I don't ever want him to let me go, with him I'm at least protected.  
  
"Liz?"  
  
Max breaks the silence and I look up, thinking I see a flash of pain in his eyes.  
  
"Where's your dad?"  
  
"LA."  
  
"Will he be coming back?"  
  
"Probably."  
  
"Probably?"  
  
"I don't know Max, he left. Let's just not talk about this right now. Just hold me a little longer?"  
  
He smiles gently and he pulls me onto his lap, cradling me. I snuggle up against him and drift off to sleep as he sings softly in my ear.  
  
  
  
~It's a little short, I know. Sorry, but my creative burst is on vacation. More soon....tell me what ya think! Eden.~ 


	7. Love

Okay here's Part 8......sorry for the delay.....and sorry it's so short again.  
  
I'm walking in the field of wild flowers again and fear grips my heart. No not this again. I can't bear to see.....Something in the air changes and comforts me. It's not the cold draft as before, but it's warmer and I feel arms encircle my waist from behind. I feel a kiss placed behind my ear,  
  
"You don't have to be afraid anymore...." Max.  
  
I turn around in his arms and look into his chocolate colored eyes. He smiles down at me and before I can say anything I feel Max's lips touch mine. I moan softly and wrap my arms around his neck, deepening the kiss. He pulls back gently and looks at me, stroking my cheek, "I love you Liz. Even if you don't feel the same way, I know I love you."  
  
I wake up and look at Max's sleeping form. His arms are still wrapped around me, protecting me. Without waking him and lean up, getting close to his ear. I whisper, "I love you, Max Evans."  
  
As I lay back down, pleased that I didn't wake him, I see a dreamy smile spread across his features. I smile to myself as I drift back to sleep.  
  
~I'm still sick, so I can only write short parts, sorry. I hope you like this part. Eden~ 


	8. A Kiss

So so so sorry guys that it took me this long! I've just been having horrible nightmares that went on for two week and a half weeks. Blah, that did a lot on my mind and applebybehr you're not being a pain hon. Lol, trust me. Thank you all of my readers of this fic you guys are great...well onto Part 8......  
  
**Max POV** (hehe this is just a must)  
  
"I love you Max..," Then I feel her lie back down, smiling and she drifts asleep. Heh, I was hardly asleep and I KNOW I heard her say she loves me. God I just want to kiss her, but that's not what she needs right now. I wonder what she dreamed about. Me? I hope about me. I don't know what it is about her, but I really want her to be mine.  
  
**Back to Liz's POV**  
  
I wake up to the sound of the phone ringing and groan, mumbling, "Make it stop..." I feel Max's chest rumble with laughter and I hear him pick up the phone,  
  
"Hello, Parker residence?"  
  
A pause.  
  
"This is Liz's friend Max."  
  
Another pause.  
  
"No, she's asleep. Do you want me to give her a message when she wakes up?"  
  
A really long annoying pause. Whoever this is is going to pay for interrupting my "Max time."  
  
"I'll be sure to tell her....Mhmmm....yeah....bye."  
  
The phone clicks off. I gather up the energy to ask who it was.  
  
"Your grandmother. Do you wanna know what she said?"  
  
"No."  
  
There's that low rumble again, I smile.  
  
"Call her later."  
  
"If you insist. I suppose I can spare her 5 minutes."  
  
"Good," then he kisses my forehead. OMG, Max Evans, total hottie, just kissed my forehead. I think I'm going to pass out. Instead I look up and him. He look right into my eyes and I feel my insides melt. I lean up and kiss him. It's sweet, but then I feel his tongue against my lips as if asking for permisson. Which I answer by opening my mouth and climbing onto his lap.  
  
Just as he deepens the kiss, a sharp knock on the door brings us both back into reality and I'm going to kill whoever is at that door......  
  
~Hehe tell me what ya think...Was it worth the wait? Even if it's a little short. I admit my brains still a little fried. Sorry.~ 


	9. Michael

Part 10...sorry for the wait.....but it's here!!!!  
  
  
  
I sigh and get up off Max's lap and try to keep myself from punching that person when I open the door, but instead gasp in surprise, "Michael?"  
  
"Lizzie..."  
  
It's Michael. My 19 yr. old, protective older brother that left last year. He stayed as long as he could, but my mother's drinking just took all of his energy so he left in the middle of the night and hasn't even called. But I don't blame him. He had to leave, I understand.  
  
I launch myself into his arms and starts crying, "Michael! You're home...oh my god. I missed you so much." I know he hears me, but as he's hugging me tightly he sees the scars and cuts. He pulls back and looks at me with tears in his eyes. He strokes my cheek and his voice cracks with emotion, "Oh Lizzie. I'm so sorry....I'm so so sorry."  
  
**Michael's POV**  
  
I knock, hoping it's just Liz at home. I don't want to see my mother at this point in time. If it wasn't for Liz, I wouldn't be on this front step. I see the door swing open and a very annoyed Liz infront of me. But the annoyance turns to surprise, "Michael?"  
  
"Lizzie...." She's gotten even more beautiful since the last time I saw her.  
  
She stares at me a little longer, then launches herself into my arm. I smile and hold her close. Her hair still smells like the shampoo I bought her for her 15th birthday. That's when I notice the cuts on her arms and the scars. My stomach tightens and I pull back, close to crying. I stroke her cheek and I hear my voice crack with emotion, "Oh Lizzie, I'm so sorry....I'm so sorry."  
  
**Liz's POV**  
  
I see the tears run down his cheeks and I feel ashamed.  
  
"Michael..I...." I don't need to say anymore, Michael pulls me into his arms and hugs me tightly, sobbing along with me.  
  
  
  
hehe, so what do ya think?  
  
~Eden 


	10. Remembering

I am SO sorry you guys. I have been really sick lately and all, that and my computer died for about two weeks. Sorry again.  
  
  
  
**Michael's POV**  
  
I hold Liz in my arms as we both cry and I feel the memories come back...  
  
**FLASH**  
  
"Stupid boy!" My father yells as he hits me again, "You're just as useless as your mother!" He kicks me in the ribs and I feel the familiar taste of blood in my mouth.  
  
"If you ever tell anyone about anything that happens in this house again, I'll beat both you and your mother. You understand me boy?"  
  
I can only nod, because the pain is too much. He raped Lizzie that son of a bitch. She's only 9 fucking years old. No more. No more beating for Mom and I and I'm not letting him touch Lizzie again. I just can't tell. I can never tell....  
  
**END FLASH**  
  
I hug Liz tighter. Thankful she never remembers any of it. She just blamed everything on Mom. I wish I could tell her, but I can never tell. Because then he'll find us....  
  
**Max's POV**  
  
Is that her boyfriend? Oh my god, she had a boyfriend....I should have known. Oh shit, he's gonna kill me. Wait...why...what? I'm confused. Liz said she loved me, but then why is she all over him? Is he going to kill me?  
  
**Liz's POV**  
  
I feel Michael tense up and as I'm about to ask why he tightens his hold and relaxes. I smile and then remember Max. Oh god. I stand up quickly and pull Michael up, dragging him into the house.  
  
"Umm, Elizabeth?" Michael. Shit, he has that voice. The one he used whenever I did something wrong.  
  
"Michael?"  
  
"Care to introduce you...friend." He says friend like some dirty word. I smile weakly and compose myself.  
  
"Michael, Max. Max, my brother, Michael."  
  
I see Max relax a bit, but then tense up. Yup, overprotective brother is back. This is going to be fun.  
  
"Well Maxwell.....it's nice to meet you. Now get out."  
  
"Michael!"  
  
"Elizabeth, I want to talk to you in the kitchen NOW!"  
  
"I'm not a child!"  
  
"You're 16, still considered a child. I'm you guardian, now get into the kitchen!"  
  
I glare at Michael and throw Max an apologetic glance, which he nods and walks out. After the door shuts, I turn to Michael, "What the hell was that?!"  
  
"Don't talk like that Elizabeth."  
  
"I'll talk however I damn well please. I love you Mike, but what the hell do you think you're doing?"  
  
He throws some papers down onto the table....guardianship papers, "These were faxed to me a couple hours ago, hence why I'm here."  
  
I stare dumbly at the papers then look back at Michael, "She's really dead, isn't she?" I feel the tears fall and Michael holds me as I cry.  
  
  
  
  
  
**Michael's POV**  
  
I just hold Liz until I feel her calm down. I hear her sniffle and I smile lightly, but then I remember...Mark. Or was it Max? I don't remember...all I know was that he was near Liz and who the hell knows what was going on.  
  
**Liz's POV**  
  
She's really gone. She really did kill herself. Oh god....where's my razor. I need my fucking razor, or at least something sharp. I pull back from Michael and stare at him.  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Why what Lizzie?"  
  
"Why you? Why didn't they send daddy? Didn't he want to help me?"  
  
When I say daddy, I see Michael cringe visably and I wonder what really went on between my brother and father. My father was always so caring and open. I shake my head.  
  
"They sent me because they have no fucking clue where [i]he [/i]is. Why do you care? He left us remember?"  
  
"And you left me. Did you suddenly forget that Michael? You left me all alone. These scars are because of you. Everybody hates me, you were the only one that cared and you LEFT!"  
  
He walks towards me and I back away, "Don't touch me. Not now."  
  
He just stares at me.  
  
"How's Maria?"  
  
"Who knows."  
  
"What?"  
  
"She left me for Kyle, Elizabeth. She said she couldn't love me."  
  
"Why? I thought...."  
  
"Because I always talked about how I missed talking to you and how I missed my baby sister. She said I made her feel second best...."  
  
"Why didn't you ever call?"  
  
"I tried Liz, I really did."  
  
I feel rage building up in me and I glare at him, "You sure as hell didn't try too fucking hard. You could've came back damnit! My life was hell and the one person who talks to my in awhile you scare away!"  
  
"[i][b]I[/i][/b] didn't try hard enough? What the fuck are those scares Elizabeth? Care to tell me what you've been doing to yourself lately...."  
  
"That's none of you god damn business."  
  
"It is now. You're under my guardianship and you WILL do what I say. Are we clear?"  
  
"Crystal."  
  
"Good."  
  
I glare at him and he just gives me one of his menacing looks, "I hate you.....I hate that you left and I hate that you never called or wrote and I hate how you left me without saying goodbye." And with that I walk out, towards Max's house.  
  
**Michael's POV**  
  
As she walks out the door I sink to the floor and cry, "What am I going to do...."  
  
"Get up and dust yourself off. Guerin, she loves you and you know it. Why don't you just tell her?"  
  
Isabel. I should've known she'd figure that I was back in town. Some people just can't keep their mouths shut.  
  
"Hello Isabel. What do you want?"  
  
"I came here to see you. You are of course my best friend and vice versa I would hope."  
  
She sits next to me and wipes my eyes,"You left without saying goodbye. That's what I think hurt her most. I know it hurt me."  
  
I look at her and sigh, "I'm sorry."  
  
"Hey Mikey, what happened, happened. It's over with. She just needs time."  
  
"I thought you would watch out for her."  
  
"I did Mikey. But then she wasn't Liz anymore.....I couldn't find Liz..."  
  
I see Isabel's eyes water and she hugs me close. We just sit there for awhile until she finally leaves. Then I just sit in the dark...waiting for Liz to come home. I'm going to tell her everything.....  
  
~So what do you think? Like it?~ 


	11. Tears and Rain

I just wanna thank all of you for reading my fic. If it wasn't for you, I'd probably just shove this story into a folder and NEVER finish it. So thanks again , now onto Part 11a....there's gonna be mushy M/L action ahead because I'm feeling mushy that and Liz is going to start remembering the past......  
  
Morning smiles  
  
like the face  
  
of a newborn child,  
  
innocent, unknowing.  
  
Winter's end  
  
promises  
  
of a long lost friend.  
  
Speaks to me of comfort  
  
but I fear  
  
I have nothing to give.  
  
I have so much  
  
to lose here in this lonely place.  
  
Tangled up in your embrace  
  
there's there's nothing I'd like better than  
  
to fall.  
  
but I fear  
  
I have nothing to give.  
  
Wind in time  
  
rapes the flower  
  
trembling on the vine  
  
and nothing yields to shelter  
  
from above.  
  
They say temptation will destroy our love.  
  
The never ending hunger  
  
but I fear  
  
I have nothing to give  
  
I have so much  
  
to lose here in this lonely place  
  
tangled up in our embrace  
  
there's nothing I'd like better than  
  
to fall  
  
but I fear  
  
I have nothing to give.  
  
I have so much to lose.  
  
I have nothing to give.  
  
We have so much to lose...  
  
--Fear, Sarah McLachlan--  
  
  
  
I stumble down the road, ignoring the rain beating down on me. I'm so numb that I can't even feel the cold seeping through my drenched clothes. I turn onto Max's road and I think back to when things were happy....  
  
**FLASH**  
  
"Mikey push me! Pwease!!!" I yell to Michael from my swing. I'm five years old again.  
  
"Awwww, do I have to Mom?"  
  
My mother smiles at him and nods.  
  
"All right, I'll push you..."  
  
I giggle with delight as he starts to push me, "I bet I can touch the clouds all da way up to da sky Mikey."  
  
"I bet you can." I hear his laugh and he keeps pushing me higher....  
  
**END FLASH**  
  
I smile faintly at the memory and swallow hard as I head closer to Max's house. Alex and Kyle live on this road. Please let them be inside...  
  
"Hey Guerin!" Damnit. Alex.  
  
I keep walking hoping he'll leave me alone,  
  
"Guerin I suggest you stop."  
  
"Or what? You'll hit me? Wouldn't be the first time Alex."  
  
"Why you stupid little...." I back away quickly and back up into someone.  
  
"I think you should live her alone...Alex. Right?" Max. I smile in victory at Alex.  
  
"Or what Evans? You going stop me?"  
  
I hear Max laugh...such a deep, velvety laugh. Stop it Elizabeth.  
  
"Nah, I'm sure your father wouldn't like to hear how you've been hitting women, now would he Valenti."  
  
Oh, that struck a nerve. Alex doesn't even respond, he just walks off. Pansy. What Isabel saw in him, I will never know.  
  
Max turn me around, "Hey."  
  
"Hey, sorry to come by, but I just wanted to apologize for my brother.."  
  
"It's okay Liz. I understand."  
  
"Can I...would you care if I stayed awhile."  
  
"Not at all."  
  
He leads me up the stairs to his porch and into his house. It's huge and beautiful, even with the moving boxes.  
  
"My parents aren't here. They're taking care of something back in LA. I got stuck housesitting." He smiles. God, he makes me weak in the knees. Oh my god, where the hell did that come from.  
  
"Max, I just wanted to say thank you."  
  
"For what?"  
  
"Taking care of me. Helping me when you hardly knew me. For taking a chance on loving me."  
  
He places a gentle kiss on my lips and smooths back my hair from my face, "I love you Liz. I'll never stop and I'll always be here. I promise."  
  
"I love you too."  
  
He smile, "You're soaking wet. Here take that stuff off," He comes back with a robe, "And put this on. I'll throw your stuff in the dryer." I smile at him in thanks. I stand there and he finally gets the hint, "OH! Sorry." He turns around and  
  
I laugh softly, peeling my wet clothing off and slipping the robe on. I tie it into a knot and then clear my throat.  
  
"I'll be right back." He reappears and I take this moment to kiss him. I feel him respond immediatly and he traces my lips with his tongue, asking for permission. I open my mouth to him and I feel his warm tongue stroking mine and it fills me with warmth. I run my hands up his chest and lock my arms around his neck as he tangles his fingers in my hair. I lay back on the couch and he climbs ontop of me. I feel him start to untie the robe when I'm hit with flashes.....  
  
*****  
  
"Shhh Lizzie. It won't hurt I promise..." My father says as he undoes my dress slowly.  
  
*****  
  
I hear my parents yelling and a loud slap. Then I hear my mother sobbing as my father walks out.  
  
*****  
  
My father kicking Michael and watching Michael fall to the ground, spitting out blood.  
  
*****  
  
Michael hiding me in his closet and my father entering his room, demanding to know where I was. I hear loud smacks and someone being thrown up against the closet doors and my mother's screams.  
  
*****  
  
My father leaving that night, me hiding under the covers with Michael holding me tightly.  
  
*****  
  
Me, blaming my mother for everything....not remembering what my father did.  
  
*****  
  
My best friend, Tess, telling everyone about my cuts and depression. Everyone calling me a freak and Kyle cheating on me with....Maria.  
  
**end flashes**  
  
"Oh my god Max."  
  
He looks at me, worried.  
  
"It's my fault. It's all my fault. I blamed her and she was protecting me. My father...he.....he....." I don't finish before I break into sobs. Max doesn't ask he just holds me, rocking me back and forth, whispering comforting words. And everything starts to fall into place.  
  
~Okay like I said this is only part a of part 11. The reason I wasn't able to complete this is because exams are coming up and I have so much studying to do. So please be the loving readers you are and watch for it. Thanks(. Muchos love, Eden. 


	12. Just Let Me Be

Okay I'm so sorry if you guys don't like this part....my writers block has been horrible.  
  
  
  
Max rubs my back soothingly and my sobs die down, I look up at him.   
"You okay?"   
I shake my head.   
"Want me to take you home?"   
"I..."   
"I have a feeling you need to talk with your brother..." He stands up and pulls me up gently, grabbing his keys from the table. He keeps hold of my hand, even after we get into the car. My stomach tightens and nausea fills me. What am I going to say?   
  
The car stops and I look over at Max. He smiles, "You'll be fine. Call me in the morning," He kisses my forehead and I climb out. Giving a small wave, he drives off and I walk up to the house. I enter quietly and I hear someone digging through something and I panic. Is someone....wait. I peek around the corner and see Michael, cleaning up.   
"Hey," I say softly.   
His head whips up and his panicked expression softens, "Hey."   
"I don't hate you...I didn't mean what I said."   
"Hey, Lizzie, it's all right..." I interupt him,   
"I remember everything."   
He looks like a deer caught in headlights, "You...You remember?"   
"Yeah. I know what he did and I know what you did. And what Mommy did. She....you....God. What he did to you Michael. He beat you....and he...." I feel the nausea again and I barely make it to the trash can before I start retching. He hold my hair out of my face until I finish and hands me a towel when I sit up, "Thanks."   
"Don't mention it."   
I need my razor. I can't help it, I just...."I'll be right back. I have to go to the bathroom."   
He nods, "Enough said."   
  
I smile and get up, hurrying to the bathroom and locking the door. I grab the razor and pulls of my shirt. I cut down my whole left arm and watch the blood flow. I lean up against the cool tiled wall and slide down, my sobs too soft for anyone to hear. My body's shaking and my head's pounding, the blood is ddripping onto the white tiled floor. I reach out and touch it, suddenly facinated by it. A strangled sob escapes my throat and the next thing I know Michael's pounding on the door, "LIZ! Elizabeth, what's wrong?!?!?"   
  
I know he won't leave until I open the door and I can't even talk, all I can do is mechanically open the door. My mind and body working like a robot. He takes one look at my arm and gathers me to him. He grabs my shirt and picks me up, taking me out to the car. He drives out towards the hospital and that's when I glance at my wrist, that's when the tears fall. I didn't realize I slit my wrist, I didn't know. And now I'm going to die....I don't want to die.   
  
  
  
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iI'm in a church dressed in a black dress and in heels. Everyone is crying and there's a coffin. Someone has died, but I don't know who. I start to walk and I feel hands on my shoulders. It's him. And he asks me, "Do you even know where you're going?" I turn around and he's gone. As I look behind me I'm not in the church anymore, but a graveyard. "You think you know....." I look around for the source of the voice and there's no one. Just silence and graves. I walk along, looking around as I walk and stop at a freshly dug grave, it's still open. His arms slip around my waist. "I care about you, but....." I whip around and he's gone again. I sigh and proceed down a gravel path and hear footsteps behind me. I stop and glance over my shoulder....nothing. I start walking again and hear them again. I start running and they're chasing me. I trip and fall. When I get up I'm in a white bedroom. I see my cousin, Caitlin. She says, "I was wondering when you'd show..." I reply, "What?" She ignores my question and tosses me some white sheets. "Help make the bed." I look at her in confusion and help. When we're finished she smiles in satisfaction. "Perfect..." She whispers. "Who's this for?" She again ignores me and walks out. I try to work things out in my head and look into a mirror. My black dress is now white and my reflection is smiling. I reach out to touch it, to see if it's real and it is. I turn around and a man in a black cloak, I can't see his face, grabs me and stabs me in the stomach, then throws me out the window. I land on my back and see my mother smiling down at me as she twists the knife.   
"Mommy, please stop," I choke out, crying from the pain.  
"Why honey? You're getting what you always wanted...death..."  
"Mommy...why? I didn't know....I never thought...."  
"You're so selfish! You always thought that it was your father who protected you, but it was me...can you live with that?"/i  
  
My eyes snap open and I see Michael holding my hand, crying. I lay my other one over his and he looks at me.  
"I....He....Michael..." He gathers me in his arms and lets me cry.  
  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Now I could really pretend that it was all pretty and pleasant and heartfelt after I finished sobbing, but I won't lie to you. You don't deserve that. I sobbed and when I was finished, it was silent. But I didn't leave it at that. So I screamed at the top of my lungs. I'm tired of being used and I'm tired of all the secrets. I want the fucking truth and I want it NOW! Oh let's not tell Lizzie that her fucking father raped her, beat the shit out of her brother and mother. Not to mention the fact that my mother didn't do jack shit. She didn't tell me, Michael didn't tell me....NO ONE! GOD! How could I be so fucking blind? WHY? WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY?!?!?!?!?!?! Why would he do that to me? Was he some kind of perv...wait of course he was...he fucking raped me....HIS DAUGHTER!! And he left without being punished. WHY didn't anyone tell me? Did they think they were protecting me? Well guess what....they DIDN'T!! They made everything worse. SO here I am with stitches and bandages around my wrists, screaming my head off and Michael trying to calm me down. It's bad enough that they did this to me and what I did to myself, but now I'm going to look like a nutcase. This can't get any worse....WAIT! Stop, rewind and freeze. It CAN get worse and it WILL. It always does. Dammit, I just jinxed myself. Go figure. Michael holding me down, telling me that I'm scaring everybody..but I don't care. Why should they care? Do they even know that Daddy raped me Michael, didn't think so. DON'T TELL ME TO STOP!! Jesus I can't even say these thing cause i'm screaming. Go figure. It's the same thing over and over and over again. I'm so tired of this shit. I'm being SELFISH! Damn straight I am. I want to be selfish. FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE...I wanna throw a temper tantrum and kick , scream and bite. I wanna pull at my hair and roll around on the floor. But I can't, because Michael's holding me down. Damn him. Finally I stop screaming. The doctors have the sedative ready and I look around at all of them. I smile lightly and whisper, "I feel better now."  
They all seem to relax.  
"NOW GET THE FUCK OUT!!"  
Michael just bangs his head on my lunch table repeatdly. 


End file.
